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Post by jaglady on Dec 29, 2008 18:49:09 GMT -5
My husband once said "Criminals have to be clever, intelligent, and devious. Nobody could be that stupid on purpose!" If you take a good look at 80 percent of the cases, criminals have done something blatantly stupid. That's how they got caught. Most of us have heard about the guy who held up a liquor store and then told the clerk to give him the fifth of whiskey. To which the clerk replied "You don't look like you're 21. I need to see your ID." And Dumb Criminal gives the clerk his ID, at which time clerk records his name and address. Dumb Criminal eventually makes it home to find the police waiting for him. I know there are dumb criminals all over the world. In this thread I'll share some of the stories that came through hubby's hands while he worked in the JAG office. Trust me. People really can be this stupid. Feel free to post any dumb criminal stories. Mirium would probably want for us to post a link to the source, though. First Dumb Criminal Story, from the Bozo Criminal Archives: Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 5001: When driving a stolen vehicle it's usually a good idea to keep a low profile. From Tallahassee, Florida, comes the story of bozo Alonzo Murphy who pulled into a convenience store parking lot in his stolen car. He proceeded to park in a handicapped space with the stereo blasting and refused to move the vehicle for a police officer. Not a good idea. The officer ran a quick check of the license plate and discovered it was a stolen vehicle. Our bozo then put up a fight when the officer tied to arrest him. He's now been charged with grand theft, battery on a police officer, cocaine and marijuana possession, resisting arrest and parking in a handicapped space. Maybe next time he'll park in the designated area. www.electricferret.com/bozo/
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Post by suzmicsoc on Dec 30, 2008 20:00:08 GMT -5
Man...some people just don't have a clue do they.
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Post by mirium on Dec 30, 2008 22:30:38 GMT -5
Not quite a candidate for a Darwin Award, but.... ;D Good idea about including sources, jaglady! Links are encouraged, especially when the story has names -- we don't want to go slandering anyone. Not that there isn't false info on the Internet to link to, but at least we'll all be able to decide for ourselves how reliable the source is. But don't let that stop anyone from posting a good tale, if you've got one! This is entertainment, so if you don't have a link, say it's totally unconfirmed, tell us where you got it from, and please change the names to nicknames like jaglady did ("Bozo criminal").
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Post by jaglady on Dec 31, 2008 19:20:36 GMT -5
Case my husband worked on in the Army back in the 1980's.
Soldier walks into the Fort Polk PX, picks up a VCR still in its box and walks clean out with it. As in completely got away. This was before most stores had electronic surveillance and those little magnetic thingies on the door.
This wasn't good enough for our mental midget. He went to a friend of his and said "My wife bought this VCR, but I found out it was on sale. Could you take it back to the PX for me. Refund it and get the difference in cash."
Trust me; if the guy really wanted to get money for a stolen VCR, all he had to do was sell it through the local post newspaper. Or something.
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Post by jaglady on Dec 31, 2008 19:29:16 GMT -5
Another case my husband prosecuted took place in Ft Irwin, CA back in the late 1980's.
If you're gonna commit a crime, don't be so obvious about it. NOBODY wins a duffelbag full of money in a poker game!
Three female medics who were deployed to Ft Irwin, CA for desert warfare training were running a prostitution ring. Military ambulances are equipped with special blackout lights. When those blackout lights were on, that meant "They were open for business."
One small problem. Duffel bags are open and searched as every soldier leaves the area. Nobody wins that kind of cash in a card game in three weeks. I guess it didn't occur to them to send at least some of it home in a package or something.
All three were court-martialed.
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cutecollege1
Rookie Officer
If you can't beat 'em, shoot 'em!!!
Posts: 311
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Post by cutecollege1 on Jan 11, 2009 1:34:59 GMT -5
I was looking on www.legal-forms-kit.com/legal-jokes/stupid-criminals.html and here are some that I found quite interesting, and entertaining San Francisco: It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who seized the man as he waited a the back of the line at Bank of America.
Seattle: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Michigan: A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Michigan: R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer's asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed Gaitlin was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
Georgia: Investigating a purse snatching, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D. The suspect carefully eyed the victim, and blurted, "Yeah, that's the woman I robbed."
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Post by jaglady on Jan 11, 2009 8:31:39 GMT -5
I lived in Fort Lewis when that happened. Hubby and I saw that on the news, and he said "Yep, sounds like one of my cases." Although my personal bank robbery story is the guy who held up a bank that was right across from the FBI building. On payday during lunch hour. Before they had automatic deposits. Which meant there were 30 or so Feds in line behind him. You do the math.
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Post by jaglady on Jan 12, 2009 20:54:03 GMT -5
Not a dumb criminal case, but I think I just witnessed a rookie cop who's going to be in line for the Barney Fife award. I was here playing around on the computer when a black, unmarked patrol car (Chevy Impala) comes FLYING down my street (I live in a residential area on a blind hill), flies through a stopsign, clearly out of control. Car almost ran over a guy walking his dogs, jumped the curb, took out a phone box, nearly flattened an entrance monument, flew down the road, and then turned and came back, siren and lights going. I witnessed it. Understandably, the guy walking his dogs was hysterical and came up to me yelling "Call the police!" I was sort of dumbfounded, since that WAS the police. Well, long story short, the responding officer came out and said that sounded like a rookie patrol car. They had just had an armed robbery a few miles up the road, and rookie might have been responding to that. The patrol car might actually be there, if he didn't get a flat tire from jumping the curb. So this patrol officer said he's just going to "talk to the guy." Needless to say, that scared the ***** out of me.
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cutecollege1
Rookie Officer
If you can't beat 'em, shoot 'em!!!
Posts: 311
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Post by cutecollege1 on Jan 12, 2009 21:08:51 GMT -5
Not a dumb criminal case, but I think I just witnessed a rookie cop who's going to be in line for the Barney Fife award. I was here playing around on the computer when a black, unmarked patrol car (Chevy Impala) comes FLYING down my street (I live in a residential area on a blind hill), flies through a stopsign, clearly out of control. Car almost ran over a guy walking his dogs, jumped the curb, took out a phone box, nearly flattened an entrance monument, flew down the road, and then turned and came back, siren and lights going. I witnessed it. Understandably, the guy walking his dogs was hysterical and came up to me yelling "Call the police!" I was sort of dumbfounded, since that WAS the police. Well, long story short, the responding officer came out and said that sounded like a rookie patrol car. They had just had an armed robbery a few miles up the road, and rookie might have been responding to that. The patrol car might actually be there, if he didn't get a flat tire from jumping the curb. So this patrol officer said he's just going to "talk to the guy." Needless to say, that scared the ***** out of me. ROFLMBO.............. I know it's not funny, but just to imagine it happening XD XD XD XD
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Post by jaglady on Jan 12, 2009 22:06:25 GMT -5
Yeah, I know what you mean, CC.
We were afraid it might be somebody IMPERSONATING a cop. But the more we think about it the more it probably WAS a rookie who didn't know what those cruisers are capable of. And yeah, since nobody got hurt, it is kind of funny when you think about it. I say thank God that nobody got hurt. We already average about two serious accidents a year at that intersection.
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