Actual Court Transcripts!

jaglady
Guest

Actual Court Transcripts! Jan 5, 2009 19:57:17 GMT -5

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Post by jaglady on Jan 5, 2009 19:57:17 GMT -5

Okay, so we know lawyers make an obscene amount of money. Although I can tell you they put in an obscene amount of hours, but that's another discussion for another day.

My best friend is a retired court reporter from the Federal Judicial System. She sent me this some years ago. These are actual questions from court transcriptions. Yes, these people actually went to school for this! Enjoy!
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By the Court: Is there any reason why you couldn't serve as a juror in this case?

Potential Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.

By the Court: They can't do without you at work?

Potential Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know that.

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Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

Witness: He said "Where am I, Cheryl?"

Attorney: And why did that upset you?

Witness: My name is Kathy.

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Attorney: So, you are unconscious, and they pulled you from the bucket. What happened then?

Witness: Mr. Stewart gave me artificial insemination--you know, mouth-to-mouth.

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Attorney: When was the last time you saw the deceased?

Witness: At his funeral.

Attorney: Did he make any comments to you at the time?

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Attorney: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

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Attorney: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.

Witness: That's me.

Attorney: Were you present when that picture was taken?

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Attorney: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

Witness: I'll be three months on March 12th.

Attorney: Apparently then, the dte of conception was around January 12th?

Witness: Yes.

Attorney: What were you doing at that time?

luf100 Moderator The First Member Posts: 547	Actual Court Transcripts! Jan 5, 2009 20:52:49 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by luf100 on Jan 5, 2009 20:52:49 GMT -5 xD I love the last three. Sometimes it's amazing how dumb people (even lawyers) can be.

cutecollege1 Rookie Officer If you can't beat 'em, shoot 'em!!! Posts: 311	Actual Court Transcripts! Jan 6, 2009 1:16:13 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cutecollege1 on Jan 6, 2009 1:16:13 GMT -5 OMG lmbo....once again kudos to lawyers.....for giving us such great kicks CC

earthylady Academy Graduate Posts: 182	Actual Court Transcripts! Jan 6, 2009 17:50:36 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by earthylady on Jan 6, 2009 17:50:36 GMT -5 LOL,all of these are just too funny.
	banner made by csikt It is never too late to be be what you might have been. George Eliot

jaglady
Guest

Actual Court Transcripts! Jan 8, 2009 19:09:19 GMT -5

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Post by jaglady on Jan 8, 2009 19:09:19 GMT -5

Oh, and next time you want to complain about imports with lead paint, think about this. It's an actual ruling from 1918.

Pillars v. R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company
78 So. 365, 366 (Mississippi 1918)

"We can imagine no reason why, with ordinary care, human toes could not be left out of chewing tobacco, and if toes are found in chewing tobacco, it seems to us that somebody has been very careless."

ladytaz29 Rookie Officer Caution..Must wear flame retardent materials.. Posts: 377	Actual Court Transcripts! Jan 13, 2009 0:54:15 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ladytaz29 on Jan 13, 2009 0:54:15 GMT -5 Well, we all know who woke up and took their stupid pills...

suzmicsoc
Rookie Officer

Posts: 346

Actual Court Transcripts! Jan 13, 2009 1:14:33 GMT -5

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Post by suzmicsoc on Jan 13, 2009 1:14:33 GMT -5

Jan 5, 2009 19:57:17 GMT -5 @jaglady said:

Attorney: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

Witness: I'll be three months on March 12th.

Attorney: Apparently then, the dte of conception was around January 12th?

Witness: Yes.

Attorney: What were you doing at that time?

Hahaha...I love it...classic ;D

mirium
Administrator

Great High Mucky-Muck

Posts: 971

Actual Court Transcripts! Jan 13, 2009 4:41:16 GMT -5

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Post by mirium on Jan 13, 2009 4:41:16 GMT -5

Jan 8, 2009 19:09:19 GMT -5 @jaglady said:

"We can imagine no reason why, with ordinary care, human toes could not be left out of chewing tobacco, and if toes are found in chewing tobacco, it seems to us that somebody has been very careless."

I've read a lot of case opinions and chatted with quite a few judges, and that is an excellent example of Judicial Sarcasm. They're not allowed to put "One of us is a blithering idiot, and it isn't me!" in the official opinion -- something about maintaining the dignity of the office -- but that's what that judge was saying to one of the lawyers. And he probably spent more time and effort on that sentence than he did on the whole rest of the opinion. ;D

If you're locked up, who's going to speak for the chickens? -- Agent Booth
Never stand behind a sneezing cow. -- Michael Perry
I been playing for years. No sense getting in tune now. -- a singer at the No Exit Cafe
You need a nice cold beer when you're sitting on a block of ice. -- Charlie Shortino on ice fishing

jaglady Guest	Actual Court Transcripts! Jan 13, 2009 5:53:15 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by jaglady on Jan 13, 2009 5:53:15 GMT -5 LOOOOVE the new smilies, Mirium. Oh, the stories I could put in here, but I'd have to put them in the nawty thread. I'll have to dig up the "10 things that sound dirty in law but aren't"

mirium
Administrator

Great High Mucky-Muck

Posts: 971

Actual Court Transcripts! Jan 13, 2009 10:17:07 GMT -5

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Post by mirium on Jan 13, 2009 10:17:07 GMT -5

Jan 13, 2009 5:53:15 GMT -5 @jaglady said:

I'll have to dig up the "10 things that sound dirty in law but aren't"

For those of you who think lawyers are always solemn -- I once saw a Motion to Strike Evidence From the Record in a case where the Baseball Umpires' Union was one of the parties; it was titled, "Motion to STI-I-I-I-RIKE!." Had the court clerk's stamp on it, it was actually filed that way. ;D

(I'm enjoying the smileys too -- glad you like them!)

If you're locked up, who's going to speak for the chickens? -- Agent Booth
Never stand behind a sneezing cow. -- Michael Perry
I been playing for years. No sense getting in tune now. -- a singer at the No Exit Cafe
You need a nice cold beer when you're sitting on a block of ice. -- Charlie Shortino on ice fishing