ladytaz29
Rookie Officer
Caution..Must wear flame retardent materials..
Posts: 377
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Post by ladytaz29 on Jan 25, 2009 5:24:15 GMT -5
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Post by jaglady on Jan 25, 2009 8:32:52 GMT -5
Okay. I can take a hint. ;D ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just the FAX, Ma’am!
Those warning messages on your computer shouldn't always be taken literally.
Emmalyn Stockburne, the senior computer tech at the Miami-Dade Crime Lab, had been running CODIS searches for Calleigh’s case all morning. Calleigh had confirmed that a serial killer was terrorizing Miami, and this was now a high-priority case. Emmie feverishly ran as many screens as possible to speed up the workload. Horatio was also waiting for an answer.
Which inevitably meant it was about time for IAB Sergeant Rick Stetler to call downstairs with a computer problem.
Emmie shook her head, annoyed, when she looked at the caller ID:
R STETLER—IAB
“Computer lab, Emmie Stockburne.”
“Miss Stockburne, are you sure you set this printer and fax up right? I can’t get it to work, and The FBI is expecting this right now!” Rick nearly shouted, hardly trying to maintain decorum.
Aren’t they always expecting things from you right now?
Emmie sighed. “Sir, first of all, calm down. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
“Why don’t you come up and fix it?”
“I'd really love to grace you with my presence, but there’s the matter of a high-priority case Lieutenant Caine has me running, so maybe if you can tell me from here what’s going on….”
“FBI doesn’t like to be kept waiting, Miss Stockburne!”
Emmie suppressed her words and looked at the monitors. Tyler would be back soon, and it was obvious that she wouldn’t get Rick out of her hair until this problem was solved. “I guess the CODIS searches will take a while. Be right up, Sir.”
She clicked off her ANSWER button and trudged up to the management offices and peeked into Rick’s open office.
“What's going on, Sir? You okay?”
Rick was hunched over the printer/fax and struggling to untangle his orange tie from the printer roller, cursing under his breath.
“Emmie, this printer almost killed me!” he snarled, sitting down, still struggling to free himself. “Mind coming in and helping me?”
She dropped her tool case and hurried in, helping him free his tie from the death grip of the printer/fax machine she had recently installed. Rick sat back in his chair and smoothed his mangled orange tie, eyes blazing at her.
With that disaster behind her, Emmie looked over the situation. “Why is the printer/fax sitting in front of the monitor? Did you move it?”
He glared at her, breathing deeply. “Yeah. I had to.”
“Okay. Why?”
“I keep trying to send a fax the way you showed me, and the screen keeps saying ‘Can’t find fax.’ So I picked up the thing and put it up in front of the monitor, hoping that’d help! Nothing happened. So finally I leaned over and pushed some buttons, seeing if that would help, and next thing I know it’s eating my necktie! Could’ve killed me!”
She turned her head away and rolled her eyes. Some days they just don't pay me enough to put up with this!
“Sir, can I get in there, please?”
Rick backed up and held his hand out to the chair. “This gonna take long?”
“Shouldn’t.”
Emmie dutifully went to work checking cable connections. Carefully she bent over and checked the back of the consoles, and even kneeled down and shone her flashlight on the outlets to make sure everything was properly plugged in and that nothing had shorted out. Rick glared at her, huffed several times, and looked at his watch.
“Sorry, just trying to find the problem.”
“I told them I’d send this almost half an hour ago” he growled.
“Hold on. Got one more place to check.” Emmie then pulled herself up and sat in Rick’s chair and clicked keys, checking printer and fax paths.
After several minutes of flashing screens, she got up and shook her head with a shrug. “Sir, I can’t find anything wrong here. Let me just bring up the fax program.” She clicked keys and mouse buttons and then stood up. “Tell you what. Why don’t you sit down and show me just what you’re doing, and then maybe we can go from there?”
Still fuming, Rick snatched an official-looking piece of paper from his desk, then held it over the monitor, reached around her, and hammered the SEND key with his finger. The “Can’t Find Fax” message flashed across the monitor again.
“You see that?” he nearly shouted, pointing to the message.
“Hmmm. Sir, I have a better idea. Why don’t you tell me who you’re sending it to, and I’ll take it downstairs and send it out from there?”
Rick’s breath quickened. “What’s wrong with it?”
Emmie took a deep breath. “In the IT field we call that ‘operator error.'”
Rick shoved the piece of paper at her with the necessary information. “When can you fix it?”
She shook her head slowly at him. “If I ever do, Sir, I’ll be looking for a huge pay raise. See you later.”
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Post by suzmicsoc on Jan 25, 2009 11:51:51 GMT -5
Rick is too much...maybe he will learn one of these days...although I highly doubt it :screwloose:
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ladytaz29
Rookie Officer
Caution..Must wear flame retardent materials..
Posts: 377
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Post by ladytaz29 on Jan 25, 2009 12:34:14 GMT -5
You are too kind JL..
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cutecollege1
Rookie Officer
If you can't beat 'em, shoot 'em!!!
Posts: 311
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Post by cutecollege1 on Jan 25, 2009 21:54:28 GMT -5
Oh my.....................XD XD XD More soon please CC
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Post by jaglady on Jan 26, 2009 13:03:15 GMT -5
The Soda Jerk
It's not a wise idea to get caught up in the Delko/Jake/Calleigh love triangle. Especially when it comes to dueling sodas.
CSI Eric Delko and Detective Jake Berkeley locked eyes as they sat at the break room table. Neither one was going to flinch. This was going to be settled once and for all. Two green cans of ginger ale sat on the white table in front of them.
“What the matter, Delko? ‘Fraid you’ll lose?” Jake sneered.
Delko smirked. “Nah, man. I just don’t want to be around when you lose! I hate to see you crying when I take Calleigh out!”
Jake raised his eyebrows at him. “Yeah? Well you didn’t do anything yet. ‘Cause I think you’re scared.”
At that moment Maxine Valera stepped into the break room. She could tell right away that Jake and Delko were in the middle of butting heads over Calleigh. Again.
Delko glanced at her without turning his head. “Hey Maxine. Need you to do us a favor. Don’t mind Berkeley here. He’s too scared to ask.”
The lab tech looked at them warily. “I’m not getting in the middle of this.”
Delko glanced at the two green cans on the table. “See those ginger ales? We need you to shake up one for us. Winner gets a free drink and a date with Calleigh. Loser wears it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Hey guys. Those belong to Stetler. You know what’s gonna happen if he catches you stealing his food” she warned.
“He ain’t here today. Besides, loser can buy him another one. Sound good?” Jake said, still locking eyes with Delko.
The CSI gave Jake that boyish grin. “Hey. Berkeley can buy Stetler a whole twelve pack, since he won’t be taking Calleigh out.”
Maxine smirked. “Why can’t you two just flip a coin like everybody else? Here.” Delko and Jake turned their backs while she grabbed one soda and shook it furiously. She then shuffled them around quickly on the table. “If this makes a mess, one of you is gonna clean this up. DNA Lab has kitchen detail this month. That’s us, in case you forgot.”
The CSI and the homicide detective turned to her. “Thanks, Maxine” Jake said with a confident grin. “Delko won’t mind cleaning up.”
As Maxine stepped out, IAB agent Rick Stetler ambled in, smirking at them. He stopped and his eyes widened when he saw his two ginger ale cans on the white table.
“Delko? Berkeley? What do you think you’re doing with my ginger ales?” he demanded.
They turned to him, feigning innocence. “Hey. Sergeant Stetler” Delko said with that big grin. “We thought you were in meetings all day. We were just, uh….”
“You were just what?” he growled, hands on hips, showing that badge at them. Without another word he reached down and snatched up one of the green cans. “You two decide between yourselves who’ll put my other ginger ale back in the fridge. I’ll just take this one for my lunch, if you don’t mind.”
Jake put his hand up urgently. “Hey, uh, Stetler—“
Rick narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re lucky I don’t investigate you for stealing my lunch! Now if you’ll excuse me.” With that he left.
Delko now softened his look. “So now what? We tried to tell him, man.”
The homicide detective shrugged. “I say we go out back and just flip a coin.”
“That’s the first thing you’ve said right all day.”
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Senior computer tech Emmie Stockburne carefully shone her flashlight over a mashed gray cable when her phone chirped. She swung around and clicked her answer button. “Computer lab, Emmie Stockburne.”
The IAB agent stared daggers at the computer parts that now took up most of his desk.
“Miss Stockburne, do I need to remind you my computer is still sitting here in pieces? I have another meeting in an hour, and I can’t check my emails. Want to take care of this problem? Now, please?”
Emmie looked skyward. “Hey, Sir. Sorry for the wait. You ran over my last AV cable with your chair, so I have to fix this one. You want to log in here to check your emails?”
Rick huffed. “I shouldn’t have to go all over the place to do my work. So you’re telling me the only thing I’m waiting for is a cable?”
“That’s basically it, Sir. Lieutenant Caine took my last one, so I have to seal this one by hand. I ordered some more, but they won’t get here until tomorrow.”
Rick leaned forward and began to tap the desk with his finger. “Miss Stockburne, I don’t care if that cable has a crack in it. The County pays you to keep the computers in this lab up and running at all times. The mayor’s office and the FBI are waiting for my reports. Sergeant Tripp is in the field, so use his. Now, please.”
The computer tech smirked. “Yes Sir” she said deliberately and clicked off the answer button.
At the doorway she met Delko as he was heading toward the front door with his field kit. “Hey Emmie.”
“Hi Eric. Hey, looks like you’re heading out to the field. If you don’t mind, I’m gonna steal one of your computer cables. A certain IAB agent ran over my last one, and he can’t wait for a replacement. Or so he says.”
Delko smirked. “Oh yeah. I think he’s still mad because Berkeley took his ginger ales.”
She laughed. “Yeah. Maxine told me about your little match-up in the break room.”
He leaned toward her. “Hey, when you get up there, try to get that can away from Stetler, will you? We don’t know if that’s the one Maxine shook up. We tried to warn him, but you know how that works.”
Emmie raised her eyebrows. “Unfortunately I do. At this rate, neither one of you is gonna live long enough to date Calleigh. I’ll see what I can do.”
With Delko’s gray cable in hand, Emmie stood warily outside Rick's doorway when she heard FSSSSSSSSHT! and a torrent of profanity. She quickly stepped back.
“Come on in, Miss Stockburne!” she heard him shout.
Rick stood furiously gripping his spouting soda can, staring daggers at her and then at the baptized computer parts. Ginger ale had sprayed everything in its path, from the ceiling to the computer to its owner. Ginger ale now dripped from his black hair and his face. His yellow paisley tie now clung to his soaked blue shirt.
Not knowing what else to do, Emmie reached into her tool case and handed him a wad of paper towels. Without a word he put down his can and snatched them from her. While he wiped his face, she reached behind him for the keyboard and turned it on its side. Ginger ale trickled to the floor. She bit her lip and breathed deeply. Not a good time to laugh, she thought.
“Well, Sir, I’ll be back in a little bit. Let’s see. Looks like you’ll need a, uh, new keyboard, new mouse, and probably a new monitor. You might want to think about logging in at Sergeant Tripp's computer when you get dried off.”
Rick now leveled his eyes at her as he wrung out his tie. “Tell Berkeley and Delko I want to see them in my office as soon as they get back” he snarled.
“Will do, Sir.” With that she walked out as he proceeded to blot ginger ale out of his shirt and peel wet documents off his desk.
Safely out of Rick’s hearing, Emmie opened her cell phone and hit the speed dial.
“Hey Eric. It’s Emmie. Uh, sorry, but I got there just a hair too late. And yes, when you and Jake are done talking with Stetler, maybe you better step outside and flip a coin. You’ll probably live longer.”
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Post by jaglady on Jan 27, 2009 19:58:53 GMT -5
A/N to younger readers: "Cookies" is also old slang for "breasts" or "nipples."
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Educating Jairus
Ah, summertime. It's a time when Emmie Stockburne gets to tame an intern who thinks he can handle anything.
It was Friday afternoon in the Miami-Dade Crime Lab. Senior Computer Tech Emmalyn Stockburne picked up the phone. “Miami-Dade Computer Lab, Emmie Stockburne."
“Hi Emmie. It’s Peter Elliot from the Secret Service Office.”
“Hey! Inspector Gadget! What brings you over to the Dark Side?”
“Well, I’m told you’re the best computer tech mentor in Miami. I was hoping you could do me a big favor. We’ve been training a summer intern named Jairus, who’s pretty good, but, well, he’s got an ego problem. He thinks he knows it all and can handle anything. I was hoping maybe you could give him a challenge he could handle at the Miami-Dade Crime Lab.”
An evil grin crossed Emmie’s face. “Tell him to report to me Monday morning at eight o’clock sharp. Oh, and Peter? I promise you this guy will fold like a lawn chair in less than a week. And I’m in a betting mood, so what do you say? Dinner at the Portside Restaurant Friday night says he can’t go one week under my supervision! I’m thinking their lobster scampi sounds mighty good.”
“You’re on!” Peter Elliot promised her, a smile in his voice. “How are you gonna do it?”
“Secret weapon. Trust me.”
Jairus was a twenty-one-year-old summer intern with the Florida Technical Institute. He was bright, energetic, and just as full of himself as Agent Elliot had warned her. He arrogantly plopped himself down in the computer lab’s extra chair.
“So, what do I do? I’m an A student, I’ve done it all. Webpage design, sweeps, CODIS, AFIS, tracing, you name it. Just watch me! I can handle anything!” Jairus said with a self-assured smile.
Emmie smiled back at him. “Jairus, for this week, you have one purpose in life. You will be doing tech support for our Internal Affairs agent, Rick Stetler. Just one week. Just one person. Just one office. And don’t forget that you have to be professional with this person at all times, or you’ll get a failing grade. Think you can handle it?”
Jairus folded his arms and snorted. “Are you serious? Is that it?”
“That’s it.”
Jairus leaned back in the chair arrogantly. “So you’re just gonna let me sail through to my graduation. Thank you Emmie Stockburne!”
She just smiled knowingly at him.
The phone chirped indicating that Rick had another computer issue. “That’s Sergeant Stetler, Jairus. I’m gonna let you grab it.”
He looked at her. “How do you know?”
“That’s the only reason he ever calls me. I’m gonna let you handle it from start to finish. You can handle anything, remember? You just said that five minutes ago. ”
Jairus smirked as he picked it up. “This is Jairus. Your mouse is broken? Can you describe the problem?” Emmie chuckled as she listened to her new young intern rattle through sophisticated solutions and growing more frustrated by the minute. “Just a minute, Sergeant Stetler. I’ll be in your office to look at your problem.”
Jairus returned five minutes later, chuckling. “Can you believe it? He said his mouse was broken. It was on the edge of the pad, and he got his shorts in a wad, saying he couldn’t move it any further! So I showed him how to pick it up and move it with his hand. God, what an idiot!”
Emmie leaned on her hand. “Welcome to my world. Oh, uh, did you document that, Jairus?”
Jairus gave her a blank look. “I was supposed to document that?”
“It was a legitimate call, Jairus. That means you keep a log. We have to document everything so that when budget time comes up, we know what we’re gonna need. Besides, we never know when Tallahassee’s gonna audit us. It’s my responsibility to handle a tight ship.“ She handed him the incident log. “Document it. If there’s anything you’re gonna learn from me it’s how to cover your backside.”
Jairus scribbled down the information and then sat back with a smile. “Easy week.”
Emmie resumed her case work. Week’s just getting started, Junior!
Two hours later Rick called again with an issue. “Go take care of it” Emmie instructed, motioning with her hand.
Five minutes later Jairus came back into the computer lab looking like he had seen a ghost. Emmie looked up at him. “Well? You okay, Jairus?”
“He called me to say his computer was running slow. So I went up to check it. When I asked to look at his cookies, he started cussing me out, told me he didn’t lean that way and said to get the hell out of his office! Maybe you better go up there, Emmie.”
She shook her head. “One person, one office, one job. You can handle ANYTHING, remember? But I know what this guy can be like, so I’ll go with you, okay?”
He swallowed. "Thanks."
Tuesday morning. The phone chirped to indicate that Rick was calling again. Jairus looked at her with wide eyes.
“You know what to do, Jairus” she said, motioning toward the phone.
“This is Jairus. You said your printer’s not working, Sergeant Stetler? Is the icon showing? An icon is the picture on your screen that—well, okay. Hold down the ‘control’ button and hit ‘P.’ The letter ‘P’, Sergeant. ‘P’. On your keyboard.” Jairus huffed. “’P’ ON YOUR KEYBOARD, SERGEANT!”
Emmie’s eyes widened. She whipped around in terror. "Wait! JAIRUS, DON’T TELL HIM THAT!” She gritted her teeth and cringed, her hand over her face.
“I am NOT a sick pervert, Sergeant. There is nothing wrong with my intelligence. We’re one of the best institutes in the country. You don’t have to insult me, Sergeant.”
Emmie opened one eye in time to see Jairus with his eyes glazed over, holding the phone away from his ear, listening again, and, hearing nothing, hanging up. “He didn’t listen to a word I said, Emmie.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God for that!”
“So now what?”
She looked at him firmly. “You go fix the problem and document it. Didn’t you say you could handle anything?” She watched the self-assuredness slip away from his face as he skulked toward the stairs.
It didn’t escape her attention that Jairus was showing signs of post-traumatic stress disorder each time the phone rang. Rick called again just before noon. Jairus looked at her with terrified eyes. “Emmie? Please get that?” he begged.
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“Hey Peter, thanks for dinner. Told you I could do it” she said, leaning back in her chair and enjoying the view of the cruise ships at the Portside Restaurant. “God, I always loved the view here.”
“I don’t get it. What happened, Emmie?” Agent Elliot wanted to know.
“Not sure. He worked under my supervision for two days, and then Wednesday morning I got a call from the Institute saying Jairus wouldn’t be returning. Apparently he switched to the accounting program. Computers just weren’t his thing anymore.”
Peter Elliot shook his head with a laugh. “Come on. What’s your secret?”
Emmie smiled. “Classified. I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”
“Emmie!”
“I had him do absolutely nothing but tech support for Rick Stetler. And thank God. I already have to deal with one of those.”
He laughed. “Worked for Rick? Damn, Emmie. You’re cruel!”
She sipped her coffee and smiled at him. “Hey. I can handle anything. Remember?”
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ladytaz29
Rookie Officer
Caution..Must wear flame retardent materials..
Posts: 377
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Post by ladytaz29 on Jan 27, 2009 20:15:44 GMT -5
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Post by jaglady on Jan 27, 2009 20:37:04 GMT -5
Thanks, LadyTaz. I'm starting to worry about you and that nosepicking smilie. :smiley-think005:
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cutecollege1
Rookie Officer
If you can't beat 'em, shoot 'em!!!
Posts: 311
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Post by cutecollege1 on Jan 27, 2009 21:40:43 GMT -5
Jaglady..............off the record....I had a bad experience one time.....BAAAAD experience with a Sprite can in the kitchen. It's nice to know there is/was somebody else out there who had the same reaction as me. On the record....XD XD ROFLMBO XD XD More soon please *tries to catch breath* CC XD XD XD
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