Post by jaglady on Dec 30, 2008 19:19:04 GMT -5
Computer Calls--CSIM
Rating: PG
Genre: Comedy
That thing on the front of his computer sure looked like a cupholder.
Well, I just had to do it. These are one-shots about our favorite IAB technophobe Rick Stetler.
For those of you not familiar with my stories, I introduced an OC named Emmie Stockburne, a former Marine with a biting sense of humor. She is a cybertech who joins the lab after Dan Cooper leaves. These are based on actual IT tech support calls and anecdotes from IT people.
I don't own any CSI Miami's characters or intellectual properties. Please don't sue me because my lawyer's in jail.
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The Cupholder
The phone chirped in the Miami-Dade Computer Lab. Senior computer tech Emmie Stockburne turned toward the console and adjusted her headset immediately. Just as she went to press the ANSWER button, she glanced at the caller ID
R STETLER—IAB
She groaned as she hit the button. Not again. “Computer lab, Emmie Stockburne” she said in as polite a voice as she could muster for the likes of Rick.
There was silence on the other end for a second.
Emmie raised her eyebrows. “You there, Sir?”
Rick’s voice sounded tortured. “Miss Stockburne, I need you to come up here and fix my computer. Now, please. And bring some more paper towels when you come up.”
She paused. “Sir, what exactly is the problem? With all due respect, we’re on a major case for Calleigh, and if you describe it to me, maybe I can walk you through fixing it from here.” Emmie didn’t know why she bothered to tell him this, because everybody knew Rick Stetler had a track record of wrecking computer equipment in the most bizarre ways imaginable, and either she or Tyler usually ended up going up there to untangle the carnage.
“There are two of you in there, Miss Stockburne. Tyler’s handling Calleigh’s case, remember?”
“Okay Sir. Be right up there.” She let out a disgusted sigh as she clicked off the answer button.
“Let me guess” Tyler said from his side of the lab. “Stetler crashed his computer again, and he wants you to drop everything and come fix it?”
“It’s nice to be needed, isn’t it? And I can’t even send you this time because Calleigh requested you specifically for this case.” Emmie shook her head as she picked up her black tool case. “Where’s justice? I just wonder why he wants me to bring more paper towels.”
Tyler raised his eyebrows with a smile. "Love to help you with that one, but Calleigh's got me busy."
Annoyed, Emmie walked upstairs to the management offices. Rick’s door was open. She peered inside. At first glance she could tell this would be no ordinary computer call for a helpless IAB sergeant.
The desk area looked more like an explosion in a Starbucks. Coffee had splattered all over the glass wall, the desk, and parts of the floor. Some of it had even made it to the ceiling and had dripped back down. Rick was standing off to the side, obviously infuriated, blotting coffee off his gray suit, white shirt and that obnoxious red tie, looking like someone had thrown coffee on him. Emmie hated dealing with Rick under the best of circumstances, but when she saw the coffee’s point of origin, she shook her head and put down her tool case.
On the side of the computer console she spotted the remains of a large Styrofoam cup stuck in the CD drive. That was undoubtedly the point of origin for this disaster. The CD drive was halfway retracted, squashing the mangled Styrofoam mess. It now looked like a giant crushed eggshell.
"Not sure I should ask what happened" she said cautiously.
Rick turned his attention to her, seeming to grow more irate by the minute. He pointed at the disaster on his desk.
“Miss Stockburne, you gave me a computer with a broken cup holder. You can see what it did to my office! Look at this! I hope you brought more paper towels like I told you to!” He then pointed to his coffee-splattered clothes.
Reality set in for Emmie. “Excuse me for just one moment, Sir.”
She stepped well out of Rick’s line of sight and buckled over with laughter, wiping tears from her eyes. It was her first “cup holder call” in her twelve years of computer work. Every computer tech encountered a situation like this at some point, and now she could say she was no exception. Just that hers was a little more colorful.
After several minutes of composing herself, she stepped back into the room where Rick was now attempting to remove coffee-logged documents from his desk. She stood patiently behind him as he cursed under his breath, picking up sopped reports and packets with his thumb and forefinger and letting them drop into his wastebasket with a SPLAT!
Rick turned around. “Paper towels?” he snarled.
Emmie reached into her tool case and held out a wad of white paper towels. He snatched them out of her hand and tried to blot the river of coffee off his desk. She could no longer control herself. She closed her eyes and began to laugh again.
“Enjoying yourself?” Rick snapped again, glaring at her. “Look at this! I have a meeting in fifteen minutes, and both my computer and my paperwork are destroyed!”
Emmie walked over to the baptized computer console. She pointed to the CD drive on one side. “Sir, is this the ‘cup holder’ you were using?”
Rick wasn’t doing a good job of maintaining his temper. “Yeah. The thing doesn't work right. I tried to adjust it so I could reach it, and look what happened!”
Emmie’s military training demanded that she at least attempt to show a sergeant some form of respect. She breathed deeply to avoid any more fits of laughter. “Uh Sir, I don’t know how else to tell you this. This isn’t a cup holder. This is a CD drive. It’s not made to hold the weight of a coffee cup, and uh, well, you just trashed another computer, Sir.”
“WHAT?”
This was just too much for her to ignore. “And now I’m gonna have to take that one downstairs and attempt to reimage everything that was on there and replace everything YOU damaged. Again. Not sure what to tell you about your meeting, Sir.”
“Lieutenant Caine said…Oh CRAP!” Rick stormed out of the office, still mopping at the brown spots on his suit with paper towels. With Rick safely gone, Emmie was free to laugh as she started the long, drawn-out process of unplugging the damaged goods and getting them ready to be swapped out. This would be another all-day job. It would be up to the cleaning crew to take care of the rest.
In the lake of coffee, Emmie spotted a wet brown envelope on Rick’s desk. She peeked at the cover.
PRELIMINARY INVESTIGATION OF LIEUTENANT HORATIO CAINE
Not anymore, she thought. With her background as a document tech, she knew that about eighty percent of that packet would never be recovered.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
As Emmie had dried off the damaged console and was now carting it to the elevator, she saw Horatio looking out the window, his back to her. Quietly she tapped on his door. He turned around.
“Miss Stockburne! Come on in. Looks like you’ve had your hands full today. What can I do for you?”
“Yes Sir.” She pointed to the coffee-stained mess. “A certain IAB sergeant thought his CD drive was a cup holder.” Then it occurred to her her. “Sir, did you….”
Horatio just gave Emmie that smile of his. She just shook her head and laughed. “Why am I not surprised?”
“Actually, all I said to Rick was whatever that thing was in the side MIGHT AS WELL JUST BE A CUP HOLDER, since I don’t use it for anything else.”
Emmie laughed. “I’ll be sure to leave that part out in my write-up. Well Sir, I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason. Now let me do a little damage control of my own.” And with that she left.
Rating: PG
Genre: Comedy
That thing on the front of his computer sure looked like a cupholder.
Well, I just had to do it. These are one-shots about our favorite IAB technophobe Rick Stetler.
For those of you not familiar with my stories, I introduced an OC named Emmie Stockburne, a former Marine with a biting sense of humor. She is a cybertech who joins the lab after Dan Cooper leaves. These are based on actual IT tech support calls and anecdotes from IT people.
I don't own any CSI Miami's characters or intellectual properties. Please don't sue me because my lawyer's in jail.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Cupholder
The phone chirped in the Miami-Dade Computer Lab. Senior computer tech Emmie Stockburne turned toward the console and adjusted her headset immediately. Just as she went to press the ANSWER button, she glanced at the caller ID
R STETLER—IAB
She groaned as she hit the button. Not again. “Computer lab, Emmie Stockburne” she said in as polite a voice as she could muster for the likes of Rick.
There was silence on the other end for a second.
Emmie raised her eyebrows. “You there, Sir?”
Rick’s voice sounded tortured. “Miss Stockburne, I need you to come up here and fix my computer. Now, please. And bring some more paper towels when you come up.”
She paused. “Sir, what exactly is the problem? With all due respect, we’re on a major case for Calleigh, and if you describe it to me, maybe I can walk you through fixing it from here.” Emmie didn’t know why she bothered to tell him this, because everybody knew Rick Stetler had a track record of wrecking computer equipment in the most bizarre ways imaginable, and either she or Tyler usually ended up going up there to untangle the carnage.
“There are two of you in there, Miss Stockburne. Tyler’s handling Calleigh’s case, remember?”
“Okay Sir. Be right up there.” She let out a disgusted sigh as she clicked off the answer button.
“Let me guess” Tyler said from his side of the lab. “Stetler crashed his computer again, and he wants you to drop everything and come fix it?”
“It’s nice to be needed, isn’t it? And I can’t even send you this time because Calleigh requested you specifically for this case.” Emmie shook her head as she picked up her black tool case. “Where’s justice? I just wonder why he wants me to bring more paper towels.”
Tyler raised his eyebrows with a smile. "Love to help you with that one, but Calleigh's got me busy."
Annoyed, Emmie walked upstairs to the management offices. Rick’s door was open. She peered inside. At first glance she could tell this would be no ordinary computer call for a helpless IAB sergeant.
The desk area looked more like an explosion in a Starbucks. Coffee had splattered all over the glass wall, the desk, and parts of the floor. Some of it had even made it to the ceiling and had dripped back down. Rick was standing off to the side, obviously infuriated, blotting coffee off his gray suit, white shirt and that obnoxious red tie, looking like someone had thrown coffee on him. Emmie hated dealing with Rick under the best of circumstances, but when she saw the coffee’s point of origin, she shook her head and put down her tool case.
On the side of the computer console she spotted the remains of a large Styrofoam cup stuck in the CD drive. That was undoubtedly the point of origin for this disaster. The CD drive was halfway retracted, squashing the mangled Styrofoam mess. It now looked like a giant crushed eggshell.
"Not sure I should ask what happened" she said cautiously.
Rick turned his attention to her, seeming to grow more irate by the minute. He pointed at the disaster on his desk.
“Miss Stockburne, you gave me a computer with a broken cup holder. You can see what it did to my office! Look at this! I hope you brought more paper towels like I told you to!” He then pointed to his coffee-splattered clothes.
Reality set in for Emmie. “Excuse me for just one moment, Sir.”
She stepped well out of Rick’s line of sight and buckled over with laughter, wiping tears from her eyes. It was her first “cup holder call” in her twelve years of computer work. Every computer tech encountered a situation like this at some point, and now she could say she was no exception. Just that hers was a little more colorful.
After several minutes of composing herself, she stepped back into the room where Rick was now attempting to remove coffee-logged documents from his desk. She stood patiently behind him as he cursed under his breath, picking up sopped reports and packets with his thumb and forefinger and letting them drop into his wastebasket with a SPLAT!
Rick turned around. “Paper towels?” he snarled.
Emmie reached into her tool case and held out a wad of white paper towels. He snatched them out of her hand and tried to blot the river of coffee off his desk. She could no longer control herself. She closed her eyes and began to laugh again.
“Enjoying yourself?” Rick snapped again, glaring at her. “Look at this! I have a meeting in fifteen minutes, and both my computer and my paperwork are destroyed!”
Emmie walked over to the baptized computer console. She pointed to the CD drive on one side. “Sir, is this the ‘cup holder’ you were using?”
Rick wasn’t doing a good job of maintaining his temper. “Yeah. The thing doesn't work right. I tried to adjust it so I could reach it, and look what happened!”
Emmie’s military training demanded that she at least attempt to show a sergeant some form of respect. She breathed deeply to avoid any more fits of laughter. “Uh Sir, I don’t know how else to tell you this. This isn’t a cup holder. This is a CD drive. It’s not made to hold the weight of a coffee cup, and uh, well, you just trashed another computer, Sir.”
“WHAT?”
This was just too much for her to ignore. “And now I’m gonna have to take that one downstairs and attempt to reimage everything that was on there and replace everything YOU damaged. Again. Not sure what to tell you about your meeting, Sir.”
“Lieutenant Caine said…Oh CRAP!” Rick stormed out of the office, still mopping at the brown spots on his suit with paper towels. With Rick safely gone, Emmie was free to laugh as she started the long, drawn-out process of unplugging the damaged goods and getting them ready to be swapped out. This would be another all-day job. It would be up to the cleaning crew to take care of the rest.
In the lake of coffee, Emmie spotted a wet brown envelope on Rick’s desk. She peeked at the cover.
PRELIMINARY INVESTIGATION OF LIEUTENANT HORATIO CAINE
Not anymore, she thought. With her background as a document tech, she knew that about eighty percent of that packet would never be recovered.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
As Emmie had dried off the damaged console and was now carting it to the elevator, she saw Horatio looking out the window, his back to her. Quietly she tapped on his door. He turned around.
“Miss Stockburne! Come on in. Looks like you’ve had your hands full today. What can I do for you?”
“Yes Sir.” She pointed to the coffee-stained mess. “A certain IAB sergeant thought his CD drive was a cup holder.” Then it occurred to her her. “Sir, did you….”
Horatio just gave Emmie that smile of his. She just shook her head and laughed. “Why am I not surprised?”
“Actually, all I said to Rick was whatever that thing was in the side MIGHT AS WELL JUST BE A CUP HOLDER, since I don’t use it for anything else.”
Emmie laughed. “I’ll be sure to leave that part out in my write-up. Well Sir, I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason. Now let me do a little damage control of my own.” And with that she left.