Geez, LadyTaz, you want a lot for nothing, don't you?
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Clean Politics
Note to self: Never let Rick Stetler fix his own computer for an inspection. Senior Computer Tech Emmie Stockburne breathed deeply and worked furiously to keep her fists and her blood pressure in check. The chief’s inspections were always a tough time around the Miami-Dade Crime Lab. There was the added stress and strain of the long hours of preparation. Not to mention the politics of police officers versus techs. Needless to say, tensions always ran high.
Which meant IAB Sergeant Rick Stetler would inevitably have a computer problem.
Emmie was aware of a presence about three feet behind her. Out of her peripheral vision she could see Rick’s reflection behind her back, hands on hips, glaring at the top of her head. In a foul mood himself, he loudly cleared his throat and coughed loudly into his fist twice. She never took her eyes off her work.
“Are you getting a cold, Sir?” she said loudly and deliberately to her keyboard.
“I’m trying to get your attention, Miss Stockburne!” Rick snapped as he motioned around the lab with his hand. “This computer equipment is filthy. The inspection’s tomorrow morning!”
“Thank you for reminding me. Tyler and I are gonna help the night shift get everything ready. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
He pursed his lips and walked away. “Well, since you’re so busy, I’ll just clean my own, then.”
“Tyler and I can take care of your stuff, Sir. Just leave your door open, and we’ll lock it on the way out” she said, facing the monitor again.
Rick started to get that nobody-cares-about-me tone to his voice. “No, no, I’ll handle it. If I can clean my firearm, I can clean a computer.”
He had said the magic words. She sighed deeply, bolted out of her chair, and stood in front of him. “Sir, at least let me make sure you do it right? Wait here.” If it would save her another disaster, it was worth it. She yanked up her tool case. “Let’s go.”
He smiled that self-righteous smile of his. “I knew you cared, Emmie. You weren’t gonna leave me hanging.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Actually, I’m trying to save my own backside.”
Up in Rick’s office, Emmie took out a small white box of special cleaning cloths. “Here’s what you do, Sir. Knot this around your finger and run it through the keys like this. The idea right now is to pass inspection.” She twisted the cloth around her finger and carefully dripped the cleaning solution on her covered fingertip. “Use the Citrix." She handed him the tiny bottle. "Here. Keep this one.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “How long is this gonna take? I’m pretty busy. ”
She shrugged at him. “Not that long, Sir. You have skinny fingers, so you should be able to just swipe this cloth through the keyboard. Remember, you want to make an impression and get out doing this IAB crap, right?”
“You must think I have nothing better to do” he muttered.
Emmie stood up and looked right into his eyes. “And what would the chief say when he sees how many of my hours and my budget go into maintaining your stuff, Sir?”
He put his hands up in surrrender. “Fine. I’ll take care of it!”
“Would you like me to take your stuff apart? Just call me if you need any help at all.”
Rick assumed the same tone as that of a child who felt ignored. “No. I’ll be fine.”
Emmie left the Citrix and box of cloths next to his computer. “I have faith in you, Sir.” But she knew they were empty words.
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The next morning Emmie looked on as the CSI’s and patrol officers walked through the hallways in their clean, pressed, shined uniforms and decorations, ready for the chief’s inspection. She and Tyler wore clean, pressed lab coats and made sure the lab was spotless, knowing they would be under scrutiny every moment.
As the sound of footsteps shattered the silence in the hallway, Emmie and Tyler rose from their chairs. Wearing their police dress uniforms, the chief, Horatio, and Rick all walked in. The Marine in her came back to life in an instant as the three stood directly in front of her.
“Emmalyn Stockburne, Senior Cybertechnician, Sir. My job is to oversee the operations of the computer systems for the Miami-Dade Crime Lab as well as to do any necessary computer-related work for criminal cases. I also oversee the department’s budget and troubleshoot any problems. I supervise Tyler Jensen and make sure he knows his responsibilities” she said to the faces of the three gentlemen.
“Miss Stockburne” the chief said matter-of-factly. “I’d like to see just how meticulous you’ve been in your duties. I’m sure you and Mr. Jensen have been maintaining the equipment in here in the computer lab just fine. Let’s throw a little curve ball in. Why don’t you demonstrate for me your work from the Internal Affairs computer?”
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Rick’s lofty smile. This couldn’t possibly be good. “As you see fit, Sir” she said.
She followed the three uniformed gentlemen upstairs to Rick’s computer. Amazingly, he had managed to reassemble everything without her close supervision.
A closer look revealed that the keyboard and mouse had vapor under them, and they were shinier than they should have been. She paused, and her eyes darted about.
“Is there a problem, Miss Stockburne?” the chief wanted to know.
“Well, Sir, it seems as though Sergeant Stetler’s keyboard is wet” she said, her blood pressure rising. This was definitely going to count against her in the maintenance area.
The chief looked to his side. “Lieutenant Caine, make a note of that. Defective computer equipment.” Horatio dutifully scribbled on a notepad. “I expect you to have this problem corrected today, Miss Stockburne” he said to her in a not-to-be-argued-with tone.
She met his eyes. “Yes Sir.”
Horatio gave her an assuring glance, while Rick’s eyes narrowed at her. She knew the truth, though.
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Now once again dressed in his civilian clothes, Rick made no effort to be polite as he stormed into the computer lab. “You made me look like an idiot in front of the chief today!”
Sergeant or not, Emmie completely disregarded her manners toward him. She slowly rose to her feet and locked angry eyes. “I made YOU look like an idiot? That’s funny! And what exactly did you do to your equipment?”
“I cleaned it! That’s what I did!”
“The way I showed you?”
“That was too slow. I filled my kitchen sink and dumped that, uh, what is it?”
“Citrix.”
“Yeah. Citrix into hot water. Then I threw everything in there and soaked them. You should’ve seen all the crap that came out of there!”
She huffed. “That ‘crap’ that came out of there was lubricant that was supposed to be in there. Which means you just trashed another keyboard and mouse. Not very good timing, I might add.”
“And now what am I supposed to do?”
“In this case, Sir? Run a clothesline in your office, and then hang them up to dry. Thanks to you I had one defect on my otherwise perfect maintenance record.”
Rick huffed and stomped out while Emmie furiously returned to the main computer.
Tyler snickered in the corner. “You think he'd really do that?”
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Horatio wandered into the computer lab with the look of a father who was weary from dealing with bickering children. “Miss Stockburne, as your Lieutenant, I’m telling you to get Rick a new keyboard and a new mouse” he said quietly.
Emmie looked up at him respectfully. “Yes Sir. Everything okay?”
He sighed. “I’d like to say yes. Except Rick had a little accident.”
She hesitated. “Accident?”
“He caught his neck on a clothesline in his office and fell. Then the keyboard he hung on it fell and hit him on the head. You know how much I hate doing paperwork for incident reports.”
“Sorry, Sir.” Just then she caught sight of Rick glaring at her from down the hallway. He held a cloth to his forehead. She leaned toward him. “Did you get a shot of it?”
Without a word her Lieutenant held up his cell phone. “Done. Take care of it.” With that he left.
Emmie looked back at Tyler. “You were saying?”